Although feeling slightly disappointed with my grade for my studio practice, I've accepted that it was a bad semester and have decided to learn from it. After speaking to Sarah and talking about the semester, it's become clear to me that something has happened along the way that has made me 'lose my way', in a sense. The work generated, although not all of it is worth dismissing so quickly, has fallen flat, and it's just not what I was hoping I would be creating during the beginning of my last year of my degree. I think that there's several reasons as to why the semester was so bad for my practice, and I'm trying to unpick exactly what they are so I can be aware of them so as not to make the same mistakes again.

I think part of the reason is that I feel this year so far, we have been left to it, and although we've had tutorials, they've felt very few and far between. While I can work independently with ease, I guess I needed the support regular tutorials, or tutor presence, more than I thought I did. Of course this isn't always possible, but I can't help but feel we've been given the short end of the deal this year, with space being taken away from us, and despite level 6 students being given priority before, sometimes it feels we've been left on the sidelines occasionally this time around. This is to do with the university and how it's being run, so it's nothing we can do anything about, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it myself. The contact I've had with the tutors has been tremendously helpful though, and I feel that I need to try not let these external issues impact on my focus and my practice.

However, I feel the main reasons lie with myself, I know that I haven't done as well as I should be. I think that I've narrowed my focus down too much, in many areas, such as my research, artists I'm looking at, what my work is commenting on etc. So much so, that I've somehow gotten myself trapped in this process without even realising I was trapping myself. The tutorials I had were helpful, and I've been given some great advice I can act upon now, however at the time I was simply using that advice, and the ideas given to create that work, not apply my own ideas or developments onto it. I didn't really know how. I also think that I was trying to force the work to be about the subjects I have been researching, despite not having a solid idea on what to do with this research. Although I was researching genuine interests of mine, such as scientific theories like evolution, Sarah suggested that my work needn't be about that at all, or even reference it. It can however, inform the ideas I develop from the subject.

A little-known and wonderful 1944 conversation with Picasso on intuition, how creativity works, and where ideas come from.

Brendan Monroe

Possible artist inspiration, the way he creates sculpture/ceramics.

From here.

I'm making a conscious decision to continue to use this blog for my second semester, after letting it fall to disuse last semester.

Overall, I feel that last semester was the most unsuccessful since I started my degree three years ago. Not only in terms of the grades I've received so far, although being 2:1 or 2:2, which aren't bad marks, they're the lowest I've received, having achieved firsts throughout my first and second years. I know that the grade I receive in the grand scheme of things means very little, however it means a lot to me personally as it proves to myself that I am capable. I'm worried that now I've let my grades slip this semester, it will impact my chances of graduating with a first class honours degree, what I've been aiming for and working hard towards for three years now. I know I'll feel like I've failed if I fall down at the last hurdle and don't achieve the first I've been striving for.

Despite this worry, I've come to accept that it was just a bad semester, and I'm going to try and look at this next semester and what I've learnt with a positive outlook. It would be too easy to just give up, or to claim that all hope is lost and that I've failed. I still want to leave with a first class honours degree. I should be proud of what I've achieved the past two years, accept this as a minor blip in what has been a successful progression towards my degree so far and move on and learn from what hasn't been working from last semester - which I need to figure out.